Is the love of my life just a con man? Agony aunt answers your questions

September 17, 2017
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Is the love of my life just a con man?

My boyfriend of six months has asked me to invest in a business venture. He says it can’t fail and I’d be crazy to leave my savings in the building society earning so little. I love him so much – the day he came into my life changed everything as I was so lonely before. But I’m naturally cautious and have a funny feeling about this venture. 

He used to pay for everything but now I get the feeling it’s payback time. A friend suggested that he’s been “grooming” me all along. I’m not wealthy, but I do have a tidy nest egg. The other day he got tetchy when I said I needed more time before I transferred £10,000 to him. Can I trust him?

The police warn that anyone who asks for cold, hard cash is not to be trusted. I worry that your partner has been playing a long game, that he’s plotted this scam from the very start. At first he lured you in with meals and treats and secured your trust. Then, just when you thought he was completely on your side, he struck. Thankfully, your friend seems to have his measure.

Don’t feel sorry for him, allow him to tug at your heartstrings or con you. The truth is he knows exactly what he’s doing – and has probably done it before. Consider reporting him to the authorities. Ask your friend to go along and support you.

I’m bewildered by modern family life

My grown-up children live such complicated lives with blended families and ex-partners. It sometimes feels like a soap opera. I try to keep up and stay positive but I worry about being accused of being unsupportive or even judgmental. I just don’t understand all their lifestyle choices. My husband and I live such an ordinary existence and feel we’ve failed to teach them good values and morals.

Your children are adults and you’re no longer responsible for their behaviour or morals. You may not always agree with their choices, but they follow their own paths. 

As long as everyone is safe and well cared for, that’s all that matters. You and your husband raised your children the best way you knew how and sent them out into the world. This is 2017 and sometimes relationships aren’t as clear cut as they might have been in the past. Live for the day, enjoy the best bits and be thankful that you are included and valued.

She’s secretly been in therapy

I had no idea that my partner has been in therapy for the past 10 years until her sister let it slip. I think this information should have been disclosed at the start of our relationship in 2011, don’t you? From the cost of the sessions to the timescale, shouldn’t I know all about this? My partner claims her therapist keeps her sane. I have nothing against the professional she’s put her trust in, but feel that I should be involved.

If your partner has chosen to consult a professional about her emotional wellbeing, then that’s her business. I accept you are confused about why she attends these secret sessions behind your back, but you don’t own her. Accept we’re not all made of the same stuff and if this works for her, then that’s to be applauded. Not everything is about you and I’m sure she’d appreciate some support and understanding.

Sex matters

I can only approach women – with a view to having sex – when I’m drunk. At work I keep my head down and avoid female colleagues, but in a club or bar I’m full of cheeky chat-up lines. Alcohol gives me amazing confidence. I have a good casual sex success rate, but I’ve never had a full-time girlfriend as I’m a dead loss in the cold light of day. How do I change this soulless situation? I long for a loving partner to do ordinary day-to-day things with.

You’re living two distinct lives. At work you’re quiet and shy, yet in public you’re brash and confident. You need to aim for more of 

a balance and can’t allow alcohol to be your prop. You’re clearly attractive because women are drawn to you, but loveless sex isn’t the answer. Take up an activity like drama or singing or join a running club in order to gain natural confidence and meet a new group of people who will accept you for who you are. Do you also need to accept that drink has become something of a problem that needs to be addressed?



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